In This Beginning
Seven Years strong....Okay so maybe not always so strong. It has been seven years that I have been trying to become a mom. Some of those seasons included a loved one and others not. I began this journey intended to be a single mother by choice. I preferred children over a relationship. No I wasn't an EXTREME feminist and yes I am and have always been Strictly Dickly. What I was over was the bull shit that had come along with dating and trying to find "The One" I lost faith that he exist and later along the line when I thought I had found him... well let's just say that is a story still unresolved.
So I wanted to be a mom. Nothing selfish here, I hadn't wanted this prior because I was enjoying my life solo Desiree. Now I wanted to care for someone else. I wanted to feel life growing in my body... not so sure about the crushing of my bones in delivering this new life, but hey it comes along with this desire so I'm so for it!
At the time I was 42 years old.... Yes advanced age.. fuck you! I have never let my age stop me from what I wanted to do... not then and not now at 49 years old. I had just began dating Daniel and I can honestly say that I didn't see it going anywhere... It was not a relationship but for a short while he "Understood" my new desire and was game to help me become a mother... Of course he was, this meant free poonani and he is a man after all! Well we were three months in when I was crushed. No, not because I wasn't pregnant, but because I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant while trying to knock me up. That mother fucker! Now why was I so upset... this wasn't a relationship by my understanding, but still... You're trying to knock me up and you get someone else pregnant!? Later in my blogs you will see this is an event that repeats in my journey. I don't care if it is not a relationship by "Relationship Standards" After all what the fuck is that?! I walked... yes just left. I could not stay in anything so fucked up as this guy could not even be honest with me. Bye Bye Daniel...
And hello Brian! Brian was a very adorable guy from Beverly Hills! Definitely an upgrade and still no not a love interest or boyfriend... there will not be any Dick in Pussy here.... We "met" in a group for Known Donors. I thought I had lost my mind.... how the hell have I come to this point... is this rock bottom? All kinds of thoughts go through my head as I come from a traditional Christian upbringing where I thought I would meet "him" fall in love, get married, and then spawn the cutest little fuckers on earth! This was not the path my life was on, it was on the path to getting knocked up by a known donor. It wasn't so bad. Brian was a sweet person and very accommodating and kind. My own brother Brian met him first. Brian and I are not the closest siblings, but he never has judged me and it meant a lot that my brother met this guy first. Throughout our time trying Brian met many of my friends who supported me in my quest.
Our third attempt was successful and we were both happy with the news that artificial insemination worked! Yep no dick in pussy, just sperm in a soft cup and then elevated my legs in my friend Blanca's van on the long ride home. I was the happiest I had EVER been! But there was more to follow...
Stay tuned for my next blog for "What Happened Next"
xo
Desiree
So I wanted to be a mom. Nothing selfish here, I hadn't wanted this prior because I was enjoying my life solo Desiree. Now I wanted to care for someone else. I wanted to feel life growing in my body... not so sure about the crushing of my bones in delivering this new life, but hey it comes along with this desire so I'm so for it!
At the time I was 42 years old.... Yes advanced age.. fuck you! I have never let my age stop me from what I wanted to do... not then and not now at 49 years old. I had just began dating Daniel and I can honestly say that I didn't see it going anywhere... It was not a relationship but for a short while he "Understood" my new desire and was game to help me become a mother... Of course he was, this meant free poonani and he is a man after all! Well we were three months in when I was crushed. No, not because I wasn't pregnant, but because I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant while trying to knock me up. That mother fucker! Now why was I so upset... this wasn't a relationship by my understanding, but still... You're trying to knock me up and you get someone else pregnant!? Later in my blogs you will see this is an event that repeats in my journey. I don't care if it is not a relationship by "Relationship Standards" After all what the fuck is that?! I walked... yes just left. I could not stay in anything so fucked up as this guy could not even be honest with me. Bye Bye Daniel...
And hello Brian! Brian was a very adorable guy from Beverly Hills! Definitely an upgrade and still no not a love interest or boyfriend... there will not be any Dick in Pussy here.... We "met" in a group for Known Donors. I thought I had lost my mind.... how the hell have I come to this point... is this rock bottom? All kinds of thoughts go through my head as I come from a traditional Christian upbringing where I thought I would meet "him" fall in love, get married, and then spawn the cutest little fuckers on earth! This was not the path my life was on, it was on the path to getting knocked up by a known donor. It wasn't so bad. Brian was a sweet person and very accommodating and kind. My own brother Brian met him first. Brian and I are not the closest siblings, but he never has judged me and it meant a lot that my brother met this guy first. Throughout our time trying Brian met many of my friends who supported me in my quest.
Our third attempt was successful and we were both happy with the news that artificial insemination worked! Yep no dick in pussy, just sperm in a soft cup and then elevated my legs in my friend Blanca's van on the long ride home. I was the happiest I had EVER been! But there was more to follow...
Stay tuned for my next blog for "What Happened Next"
xo
Desiree
Comments
Post a Comment