Me and Eva

This may be the reason so many women are totally leaving the fairy tale of searching for their knight in shining armor... why settle for less when you can become a single mother by choice?  As an advocate for women's fertility and trying to conceive I have met and been able to learn reasons... I wonder if this is something Eva even encountered.

A friend pointed out to me my similarities to Eva Marcille.  Other than or short platinum blond 'do', I just don't see it, but did feel it a bit after seeing this last week's episode of Real House Wives of Atlanta. Marley is the most adorable child and it is sad that her bio father stepped out on her at two months old. This man totally is missing out, but then again he is not so wound tight. Things changed for me the first of the year.  A LOT changed for me.
It hurts me to thing that the father of my child would do something like this, but hey sometimes a girl has to open her eyes, take off the rose colored glasses and admit the man she decided to father her children will not stick around.
Why do men do this?  Why is it so easy to walk away?
One woman was tired of meeting the wrong man while she longed for someone to love.
One woman was trying with her husband and he stepped out on her.... too familiar.
One woman wasn't even sure men were her persuasion... if you feel me.
One woman was trying to outrun her biological clock and tired of online dating.
I think we can all respect these reasons.  Having children for me was always a desire, but magnified when I was 42 and then screaming when I was 46 and fell hard in love.
Protecting my children doesn't start once they are born or once the adoption goes through (I want to adopt siblings as well). I began protecting my child long before I even knew I was pregnant.  I went through way too much with this child's father and there were always unnecessary surprises along the way. I don't know or believe if he even cared how much that messed with my heart.  Don't get me wrong, he is a good man and what he gave me is more than I could ask for, but what I went through I won't allow my child to have to feel.
Abandonment
Neglect
Ignored
Yeah I'm sure this may surprise most because I don't share much about my relationships, friendships or personal life. Hell yes.. my feelings were terribly hurt.  I'm sure Eva's was too and I guess we are alike in the fact that we both walked away. I don't hate my baby's father like her.  I still lean towards the hurt was not intentional.  I leave the door completely open for him to love and know this child, but I will NOT allow this child to feel hurt because of him intentional or not.  Like Eva, I am a lioness regarding my child who is not even born yet.  There was a time when things were good.... trying to conceive as we were for years does wreck havoc.  Hindsight tells me that all those timed occurrences may have soured things for us.  You take two individuals who are both extremely strong willed and it's only normal that things are not always peachy.
I look forward to share with my child who and how wonderful her/his father is.  I think he is a wonderful person... absolutely flawed which is probably the one thing I was drawn too.  So unlike Eva, I don't hate my baby's father.  I dislike the situation.  I dislike that I feel uncomfortable when I once was so comfortable talking with him. Yeah, that sucks.
So I guess Eva and I have some things in common.  I pray daily, I find a wonderful man like she found in Michael who would want to be in my and my child's life. I want happiness in my life and in his.  Hopefully one day we can be not only in name friends again. I pray that that same care for one another is resurrected for the sake of this child. We may be apart, but I want my child to know that we care about each other and love her/him